Recluse

The circle inside grows smaller as the boundary wall expands and spikes. Will there be enough room left for 3? 1? None? 

12 years on and I'm reminded of The Coast of Utopia once again: 

'He’s a free man because he gives away freely. I’m beginning to understand the trick of freedom. Freedom can’t be a residue of what was unfreely given up, divided up like a fought-over loaf. Every giving up has to be self-willed, freely chosen, unenforceable. Each of us must forgo only what we choose to forgo, balancing our personal freedom of action against our need for the cooperation of other people- who are each making the same balance for themselves. What is the largest number of individuals who can pull this trick off? I would say it’s smaller than a nation, smaller than the ideal communities of Cabet or Fourier. I would say the largest number is smaller than three. Two is possible, if there is love, but two is not a guarantee.'

[Tom Stoppard - The Coast of Utopia: Shipwreck]

[Joni Mitchell - Both Sides Now]

How does a person that wants community keep one when most let them down?

All I think about is you.

I saw this postcard once

I kept it in my dreams and wrote songs to it until I reached the picture. 

 

And then the peaks, mountains and trees were carved into my flesh. Part of me until I become part of them again.

A decade of guided escapism.

Maroon Bells, Colorado. July 2018.

Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing

~

Today, like every other day, we wake up empty

and frightened. Don’t open the door to the study

and begin reading. Take down a musical instrument.

Let the beauty we love be what we do.

There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground.

~

Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing,

there is a field. I’ll meet you there.

When the soul lies down in that grass,

the world is too full to talk about.

Ideas, language, even the phrase each other

doesn’t make any sense.

~

[Rumi - "A Great Wagon"]

Paradise in the Mountains

Denver to Crested Butte to Aspen. July 2018.

The way to the Emerald Lake

Rocky Mountains and Red Rocks, Colorado. July 2018.
Sense of wonder, adventure and freedom. Complete happiness.

Spotless Mind

"Pages ripped out. Don't remember doing that. It appears this is my first entry in two years."

Life has swirled and turned and gone upside down. Almost everything is different now. But some stability has finally been gained.
If the Laura of Anna's trails had known what was to come, would she have changed anything?

Päike, lind ja kala

Kodu keset linna aprilli väljaanne

30

[Alvvays - Archie, Marry Me]

Too late to go out and

Too young to stay in

They're talking about

Us living in sin

Aed öös

To Kill a Mockingbird

I saw through the eyes of a child and was sent back in time to summers before I referred to myself as me. When adventures meant challenging ghosts on dark autumn nights and hiding in forests to cast spells. When it was easy knowing what's right. When little experience had many stories to tell. Many more stories to tell than I have now.

'I hated him for that, but when you are in trouble you become easily tired: soon I was hiding in his lap and his arms were around me.'

[Harper Lee]

Heathers [v]

In the past few days I have watched so many strange late 80's films I feel confused about reality. This one tops them all. The camera angles, the colours, the music, the psycho idealism- a true and beautiful mindfuck. Also, as my friend pointed out- this is one of the few films where the era's style comes across nicely.


'The only place different social types can genuinely get along with each other is in heaven.'

Things I gathered last summer