Recluse

The circle inside grows smaller as the boundary wall expands and spikes. Will there be enough room left for 3? 1? None? 

12 years on and I'm reminded of The Coast of Utopia once again: 

'He’s a free man because he gives away freely. I’m beginning to understand the trick of freedom. Freedom can’t be a residue of what was unfreely given up, divided up like a fought-over loaf. Every giving up has to be self-willed, freely chosen, unenforceable. Each of us must forgo only what we choose to forgo, balancing our personal freedom of action against our need for the cooperation of other people- who are each making the same balance for themselves. What is the largest number of individuals who can pull this trick off? I would say it’s smaller than a nation, smaller than the ideal communities of Cabet or Fourier. I would say the largest number is smaller than three. Two is possible, if there is love, but two is not a guarantee.'

[Tom Stoppard - The Coast of Utopia: Shipwreck]

[Joni Mitchell - Both Sides Now]

How does a person that wants community keep one when most let them down?

All I think about is you.

I saw this postcard once

I kept it in my dreams and wrote songs to it until I reached the picture. 

 

And then the peaks, mountains and trees were carved into my flesh. Part of me until I become part of them again.

A decade of guided escapism.

Maroon Bells, Colorado. July 2018.

Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing

~

Today, like every other day, we wake up empty

and frightened. Don’t open the door to the study

and begin reading. Take down a musical instrument.

Let the beauty we love be what we do.

There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground.

~

Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing,

there is a field. I’ll meet you there.

When the soul lies down in that grass,

the world is too full to talk about.

Ideas, language, even the phrase each other

doesn’t make any sense.

~

[Rumi - "A Great Wagon"]

To Kill a Mockingbird

I saw through the eyes of a child and was sent back in time to summers before I referred to myself as me. When adventures meant challenging ghosts on dark autumn nights and hiding in forests to cast spells. When it was easy knowing what's right. When little experience had many stories to tell. Many more stories to tell than I have now.

'I hated him for that, but when you are in trouble you become easily tired: soon I was hiding in his lap and his arms were around me.'

[Harper Lee]

Heathers [v]

In the past few days I have watched so many strange late 80's films I feel confused about reality. This one tops them all. The camera angles, the colours, the music, the psycho idealism- a true and beautiful mindfuck. Also, as my friend pointed out- this is one of the few films where the era's style comes across nicely.


'The only place different social types can genuinely get along with each other is in heaven.'

The Coast of Utopia

'He’s a free man because he gives away freely. I’m beginning to understand the trick of freedom. Freedom can’t be a residue of what was unfreely given up, divided up like a fought-over loaf. Every giving up has to be self-willed, freely chosen, unenforceable. Each of us must forgo only what we choose to forgo, balancing our personal freedom of action against our need for the cooperation of other people- who are each making the same balance for themselves. What is the largest number of individuals who can pull this trick off? I would say it’s smaller than a nation, smaller than the ideal communities of Cabet or Fourier. I would say the largest number is smaller than three. Two is possible, if there is love, but two is not a guarantee.'

[Tom Stoppard - The Coast of Utopia: Shipwreck]

 

No vot

Sõbrad kirjutavad uusi laule
Ja laulavad vanu
Loome uusi tantse
Unustame vanad
Uued krutskid uued lood
nostalgia on hoor
põrgu uimasti
uinume koos

...selle ilusa kirjutise leidsin oma vanalt kõvalt kettalt. 

                           ??? 

I really miss home today

What if I never get to call those rusty beaches with reflections of factories and cranes my home again?

Kosmos

Wired:

'But there is another side to the psychology of spaceflight. During their stay in space, astronauts have reported what author Frank White called the “overview effect” – they became filled with a sense of wonder and awe about the universe, and experienced spiritual epiphanies such as unity with nature, transcendence, and universal brotherhood. Space affords some incredible experiences. NASA psychologists have looked into the benefits of taking photographs from the International Space Station, which may have a salutary effect on the minds of astronauts (.pdf).

These positive effects seem to last. Psychologists studying astronauts who return to Earth report that they are less anxious, hypochondriacal, depressive, or aggressive. It seems that, during their stay in a tough environment, people are able to develop coping skills to deal with the challenge and stress, which they get to take with them back to Earth.'

I was born into unseen catastrophes and unseen discoveries. Perhaps I have space running in my veins. Perhaps I was born 3.7 miles from the  S U N.

In 1990:

• The Space Shuttle Discovery places the Hubble Space Telescope in orbit revolutionizing astronomy;
• Tim Berners-Lee publishes a more formal proposal for the World Wide Web and the first web page is written;
• The First Known Case of AIDS is traced back to 1959;
• The Space Probe Voyager launched in 1977 photographed the Solar System at a distance of 3.7 miles from the SUN;
• 18 years after its launch the US Space Probe Pioneer reaches a distance of 46.5 billion miles beyond all planetary orbits;
• Depletion of the Ozone Layer is discovered above the North Pole. 

[Client Mansell - Memories (Someone We'll Never Know)]


'Isn't this enough?

Just this world?

Just this beautiful, complex,
wonderfully unfathomable NATURAL world?'

'I am a tiny, insignificant, ignorant lump of carbon.
I have one life, and it is short
and unimportant…,
but thanks to recent scientific advances
I get to live twice as long
as my great great great great uncleses and auntses.
Twice as long to live this life of mine.
Twice as long to love this wife of mine.
Twice as many years of friends and wine.'

[Tim Minchin - Storm]

I want to shout and murder. 

'It takes a lot of nerve to destroy this wondrous earth.
We're only human; this at least we've learned.' 

[Bowerbirds]

Instead, I want to be filled with a sense of wonder. I want to be filled with all of this   s  p  a  c  e

We are stardust. I  W O U L D  N E V E R  D R E A D  D E A T H  I F  I  B E C A M E  O N E   W I T H  K O S M O S

The worlds end in London

[Low - Sunflower]

'In this last of meeting places
We grope together
And avoid speech
Gathered on this beach of the tumid river...

This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.'

[T. S. Eliot]

The radiation will come for all of us.

Beginners [v]

"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand." 

[- The Velveteen Rabbit]

  

Hal: 'Well, let's say that since you were little, you always dreamed of getting a lion. And you wait, and you wait, and you wait, and you wait, but the lion doesn't come. And along comes a giraffe. You can be alone, or you can be with the giraffe.' 

Oliver: 'I'd wait for the lion.' 

Hal: 'That's why I worry about you.'

[Fleet Foxes - Your Protector]